Under the Midnight Sun Page 13

  Exasperated, Thomas huffed at her and plucked a few blades of grass. “Or so she says. You don’t understand.”

  Cassidy raised her eyebrows and gave him that big-sister look. “Oh, I think I understand just fine. You can lash out at me all you want, but you know I’m pressing you because I care about you. Good grief, Thomas. Allan has great discernment, and he thinks the world of Tayler already. Says she’s more skilled than anyone else he’s ever worked with. And her education is top-notch.

  “This is more than Tayler being female. And I think it’s more than what happened with Caroline. But I’ll come back to that another time. You’re the one who doesn’t understand. I’m not trying to say that women should be doing everything that men do. You know that I believe God made us all different, with diverse strengths and abilities. But I am saying that it sounds like Tayler really knows her stuff and has a lot of experience. Allan has made her prove herself. She’s not lying like Caroline. So why are you not supportive of that?”

  “I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders.

  Cassidy gave him that look. The one that said he was an idiot. “Ugh. Men.”

  “She’s too short?”

  Her expression turned to confusion. “What? Oh, now you’re just being ridiculous. Well, how about this, Mr. Know-it-all? Maybe you’re too tall!”

  He chucked the grass at her.

  Squinting her eyes, she leaned back on her hands and then nodded. “Oh, I see . . .”

  “You see what?”

  “You like her.” Her face changed from anger to amusement.

  “What? I don’t even know her.”

  Cassidy bit her bottom lip—something she did when she was thinking. “Now it’s beginning to make sense. You had a horrible experience and a woman got hurt, I get that. Then you all were waiting for someone to help here at the Curry. You thought it would be a man. No problem. Then Tayler arrives and you find out your new expert isn’t a man, but a short, and very pretty woman. And of course, being the gallant gentleman that you are, you don’t want her to get hurt . . . because you’re attracted to her just like you were to Caroline. Partly because she is quite lovely, but also because she has an interest in the same work and could be a potential mate who shares your love of Alaska and nature.”

  The flood of information caused Thomas to become flustered. “Maybe . . . it’s . . . because, because I don’t want to get hurt.” The words were out before he could even think of the repercussions.

  But true to her nature, Cassidy wasn’t condemning or judgmental. Especially since she’d already come down on him pretty hard. “I can’t say as I blame you there. You started to like someone, and she proved to be false. Now you feel attracted to another young woman, and you’re afraid the same thing will happen.”

  Thomas knew it was foolish to deny the attraction. “Well, it’s possible.”

  “Yes, Thomas. It is possible. Perhaps even probable that you will give your heart and get hurt. But that happens, and we shouldn’t be afraid of it. Otherwise, we miss all the blessings that come with giving our heart.”

  Thomas looked away across the field. “It’s just such a risk to care.”

  “No less than climbing Denali.” She leaned in and whispered, “But every bit as rewarding.”

  Thomas looked back at her and felt the weight of what really troubled him most. “I don’t like being made the fool.”

  “No one does, Thomas.” The boys were beginning to stir and Cassidy shifted her weight. “But I’d rather know love and be made a fool than to never know love. What Caroline did was deliberate and wrong. She didn’t make a fool of you, Thomas. She made one of herself. Don’t put the actions of one misguided woman onto another who is innocent of wrongdoing. If Tayler is lying, it will prove itself soon enough, but let her stand or fall on her own merits or the lack thereof. And, Thomas, if Tayler is the right woman for you, trust God to show you the best way to deal with the relationship. He won’t fail you, and He certainly won’t make light of your feelings.”

  The long daylight hours took a bit of getting used to. For the sixth night in a row, Tayler had fallen into bed exhausted, and yet she couldn’t go to sleep. Granted, she was trying to go to bed early so she could catch up on much-needed rest, but why couldn’t her body simply adjust and give in to sleep?

  After wrangling with her covers and shifting from one side to the other, she yanked her pillow out from under her head and put it over her face. She let out a frustrated shout. “Why can’t I go to sleep?” Good thing the pillow muffled her voice or someone would have probably come running to her rescue and busted the door down, wondering what the ruckus was about.

  Tayler sat up in bed and pulled her Bible off the nightstand. It had been hard lately to know what to read, as she was so unsure of what the Lord wanted her to do. She hated the thought of defying her mother, but she also knew she couldn’t marry just to please her. And what was there to gain? A lifetime of misery? A broken heart because her husband couldn’t be faithful? And then what if they had children?

  But maybe she was being unfair. Maybe Emerson really had changed. Was she simply unwilling to forgive? The Bible said that if she didn’t forgive others, God wouldn’t forgive her.

  The thought was horrifying. Had she done Emerson wrong by refusing to reconsider marriage? Was she being unforgiving?

  She settled back against the pillows and searched her heart. No, she forgave Emerson as far as she understood forgiveness. To her way of understanding, forgiveness wasn’t approval or acceptance, but rather giving up your right to seek revenge. She had definitely done that. She didn’t even wish Emerson ill. He was young and foolish and gave in to sinful temptations. Tayler herself was no less a sinner. No, it wasn’t about not forgiving him. It was about not loving him. Seeing him for who he really was hadn’t made her feel superior or less of a sinner, but it had proven to her that she didn’t love him in the way a wife should love her husband.

  Tayler knew she’d done the right thing. She felt certain God had wanted her to end the engagement, just as she felt certain God had led her here. But she was having a tough time getting past her own doubts, especially when she was so tired.

  Opening her Bible, she turned to First John, chapter four. Before she’d left Yellowstone, the pastor of the small church she attended had started going through the first, second, and third letters of John. It was the first time she’d paid much attention to the three small epistles in the New Testament, and she wanted to finish going through these tiny powerhouse books. She could finish studying them on her own and make lots of notes. Maybe she could talk to the pastor here in Curry about her thoughts.

  Decision made, she started reading in verse seven, where they had left off.

  Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.

  He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

  In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

  Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

  Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.

  Twice in five simple verses it mentioned loving one another. She had to admit, her anger toward Emerson had taken over her emotions. There hadn’t been a lot of “loving one another” going on in her mind. Just grief from her dad’s passing and then escape as the pressure to marry her former fiancé flew at her from Mother.

  She knew she could still love her mother through all this, but was she showing others God’s love? And how could she love Emerson the way she should, even though he’d been a complete louse?

  That was a tricky question. Something she’d really need to mull over for a while. She could forgive him and had, but could she love him? And when God spoke of loving one another—exactly what did that entail?

  She continued reading, and whe
n she made it down to verse eighteen, tears pricked her eyes.

  There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

  We love him, because he first loved us.

  If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

  And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.

  This whole time—all these years—she’d struggled with the thought of not being loved. Knowing that her love for the outdoors made her an oddball in her little circle of society. She’d always been loved by her parents and brother, and then there had been Emerson. Even though he’d been flirtatious with other girls at first, he still told her that he loved her. Tayler had basked in that.

  Until one day when she’d turned sixteen, she didn’t feel like he really meant it. Maybe ever. His attention to other girls upset her and made her feel like she wasn’t good enough. As she matured and grew up, she realized that Emerson talked a good talk, but he didn’t actually follow through with anything. If he truly loved her, wouldn’t things have been different?

  Tayler gently ran her finger along the edge of the delicate page in her Bible. She felt guilty for a moment. She was holding Emerson up to a very high standard. God’s standard. But shouldn’t that be the standard that girls hoped their future husbands would attain? Dad had always strived for that standard, and he had continued to love Mother, even when she had belittled him. Still, men were only human, and while they should strive to live up to God’s standards, was it fair for others to put those standards on them? Was it right to put expectations on someone else and then judge and condemn them when they fell short?

  But shouldn’t she want to find a man who loved her the way God instructed husbands to love their wives? She sighed and let her hand drop. Could she ever hope to really understand love?

  What amazed her the most was that God loved her so much He gave His only Son up to be the sacrifice for the whole world—including her. Now that was love.

  The last verse in the chapter had reiterated once again Jesus’ command. If Tayler loved God, she had to love her brother also. Even if he didn’t love her. But then—who was her brother? Was it anyone—everyone? Or was a brother someone who was of like mind and believed as she did? Hadn’t she once heard that references to brothers in the Bible meant fellow Christians? Her mind whirled with unanswerable questions.

  Instead of her thoughts constantly going to Emerson and her woes with him, this time they went to Thomas. She’d heard Cassidy mention Thomas to be a man of faith. Maybe that was where she could start. Maybe there was something she could do to win over the tall guide she needed to work with. Maybe she just needed to show him God’s love. But that made her nervous. It seemed pretty obvious that Thomas didn’t like her.

  Wanting to clear her muddled mind, Tayler got up and walked to the window. The sun still lit the day, making her chuckle. Here she was in her nightgown, praying for sleep, and the sun was still shining.

  But she needed this time in the Word. Time to gather her thoughts and get her perspective back in the correct place. It was time to cast her burdens and cares and worries upon the One who could carry them much better than she could.

  Lord, I hope I haven’t made a huge mess out of everything. I truly wish to seek You and You alone. Help me to do that here. Show me how to love as You love—to forgive as You forgive. Help me to make the choices You would have me make, rather than be embarrassed or hurt because of the choices of someone else. And, Lord, please guide me in this new job. Help me to be a light for You. In Jesus’ name, amen.

  Her heart lighter, Tayler knelt on the floor by the window and laid her arms on the windowsill. Resting her chin in her hands, she watched the river roll by. She loved that her room in the staff dormitory overlooked the river. It was more peaceful than the train side.

  Movement out of the corner of her eye grabbed her attention.

  A tall, familiar figure walked at a slow pace, chucking a rock into the river here and there.

  Thomas.

  Her heart dropped a little. How could she fix this misunderstanding with him? She didn’t even know how she’d offended him. He obviously didn’t care for her—nor did he care to have a woman on staff with him. But Tayler wanted his approval. Deep down, she knew she’d have to work hard to prove she could do this job and do it well.

  With a sigh, she watched him sit on a bench and lean his forearms on his legs.

  What or whom was he waiting for?

  9

  FRIDAY, MAY 17—CURRY

  Thomas watched Allan give Tayler the explanation of all the supplies and equipment they used. She appeared to be very knowledgeable, but was it all an act?

  He couldn’t bear for something to happen to Tayler—or anyone else for that matter—like what happened to Caroline. All because he never spoke up. He’d have to keep a close eye on her. Which wasn’t a problem, because he felt drawn to the new employee. Another reason why he would need to guard his heart. He’d also trusted Caroline all too soon.

  But just because Caroline had been false didn’t mean that Tayler was. He really wanted Tayler to be all that she seemed.

  As Allan and their new co-worker rounded the room, Thomas listened to their conversation about the equipment while he sorted all the ropes. Maybe he should ask Tayler about her knot-tying capability when Allan was done. They had to tie a lot of ropes for all their camping and hiking excursions, and it would be better if they found out now if she was capable or not.

  “I noticed you have downhill skis as well as cross-country skis.” Tayler nodded to the pile of skis in the corner.

  Allan nodded. “We’ve had a lot of interest in skiing, but the lift this year will make it even more popular.”

  “Won’t these get in the way stacked like this?” She pointed to the corner Thomas had sorted them in.

  His boss chuckled. “I have to admit, I’ve almost caused them all to tumble at one time or another.”

  “Have you thought of hanging them from the ceiling?” Tayler looked up and tilted her head to the side. “I organized our equipment room in Yellowstone and used a simple Plank Sling knot system to suspend all the skis from the ceiling. Of course they were organized by size and type as well.”

  “That’s a brilliant idea. Why don’t you show me what you envision? I don’t know if I’m familiar with that knot system.” Allan grabbed skis out of the corner.

  Thomas kept checking all the ropes for flaws while he watched them out of the corner of his eye. Did Tayler even know how to tie a Plank Sling? That must be what Allan was up to—he must be testing her.

  “It’s quite simple, really.” She took the end of a long rope and placed it under one of the skis. “You just push an extra bight under the ski here to make an S shape. Bring this end over the ski and tuck it through the bight on the other side.” She demonstrated the skill with ease. Maybe she did know what she was doing. “Then take the other end of the rope and go over the ski, tucking it through the opposite bight.” Lifting the ends of the rope, she adjusted it. “Then you simply tighten or loosen the sling so the tips of the bights are just above the edge of the skis, and there you have it.” She placed her hands on her hips and looked back up to the ceiling. “Back at my old job I used rings and two round turns and two half hitches at the top to hang them.”

  “Wonderful, Tayler. Let’s do it.” Allan looked toward Thomas. “Won’t it be nice to not trip over those skis anymore?”

  Tayler looked to Thomas for approval. The look on her face made him squirm. She was very cute, which made her very distracting.

  “Um, yes, that will be great.” He licked his lips. But his mind was screaming for him not to trust her. It was too dangerous. He couldn’t let it happen again. What if she was just playing a charade like Caroline?

  Tayler pulled a chair over to the e
ast wall and climbed up on top of it to stand. “Thomas, I need you to come here for a minute.”

  “Why me?” His confusion must surely be apparent on his face.

  She laughed and put her hands on her hips. “Because you’re the tallest, and unless you want me to hang these where you’re going to knock your head on the skis, I need you for reference.”

  Allan chuckled along with her and brought over the ropes and rings. “I’ve got a few sturdy hooks upstairs in the utility closet that we can screw into the beams. The rings can hang from those.” He headed out the door. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Thanks, Allan!” Tayler called after him. She then turned back to Thomas. “Now will you please come over here so I can mark the wall with your height?”

  Thomas walked over. With her standing on the chair, she was actually about a head taller than he was. Her orange blouse made the pretty brown of her eyes sparkle. And she smelled really good. He shook his head. What was he thinking?

  “Stand up against the wall, and I’ll make a pencil mark above your head.” And she was bossy for a short little thing too.

  “You know, this isn’t exactly how we’ve done things at the Curry.” His mouth spit out the first words that came to mind. He winced. Probably not the best idea to criticize her. But it was true.

  “I know. But it will give us a bit more space in here.” She leaned in and marked the wall above his head and then leaned back. “Although not as much as I originally thought.”

  He frowned. “What do you mean?”

  A smile split her face, and she looked down at him. Those big brown eyes invited him to laugh along with her. “What it means”—she hopped down from the chair—“is that if we were going off of my height, we’d have a lot more storage space above our heads.”

  DENVER

  Emerson Pruitt tapped his fingers on the desk. Things had not gone as planned.

  Tayler had grown into a beautiful woman—one who he’d gladly add to his entourage of women on his arm. He was even willing to take her as his wife. Because it would benefit him.