A Matter of Heart Read online

  © 2014 by Peterson Ink, Inc.

  Published by Bethany House Publishers

  11400 Hampshire Avenue South

  Bloomington, Minnesota 55438

  www.bethanyhouse.com

  Bethany House Publishers is a division of

  Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan

  www.bakerpublishinggroup.com

  Ebook edition created 2014

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—for example, electronic, photocopy, recording—without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

  ISBN 978-1-4412-6478-7

  Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, incidents, and dialogues are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Cover design by Gearbox

  Cover photography by Brandon Hill Photos

  In memory of Ruth Seamands—

  Mama Ruth to writers and believers near and far—

  an incredible woman of God.

  Can hardly wait to see you again!

  Save me a chair.

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  About the Author

  Books by Tracie Peterson

  Back Ads

  Back Cover

  Chapter 1

  TEXAS

  LATE AUGUST 1896

  They’re all talking about me.

  Jessica Atherton could feel their furtive glances. They have their husbands and children, and I’m still unmarried. Me, the one who was always the most beautiful, the most favored. She frowned and looked back at the paper in her hands. Her thoughts betrayed an unappealing attitude, which Jessica was only beginning to recognize.

  I am spoiled. Just as spoiled as everyone says. Shallow and selfish.

  She raised her head and forced a smile as she met the gazes of several women. The women had gathered at her parents’ home for a meeting of the Texas Cattle Women’s Society, so there was no escaping their looks and comments.

  They pity me.

  The very thought annoyed and vexed Jessica in a way she couldn’t ignore. At the age of twenty-one, Jessica had planned for her life to be much different. She’d imagined herself married and living a life of luxury in Houston or perhaps in some large city like Chicago, where she had often visited her grandparents. She had held great plans for her life—travel, wealth, opulence, and of course, a handsome man at her side, lavishing her with gifts and adoration.

  “So, Jessica,” Aunt Laura whispered, leaning close, “how are you holding up?”

  Jessica knew her aunt was sympathetic to the situation. “I feel rather like an animal caught in a trap with no escape. My only choices are to gnaw off my own leg or await the kill.”

  Laura Reid smiled and patted her niece’s hand. “They’re soon to depart. With the business end of things complete, most will need to get back to their homes. It’s not a good time of year for socializing—too much work needs their attention.”

  Unfortunately, Jessica knew these particular women were inclined to visit, even with work awaiting. Hannah Barnett was said to be arriving at any moment with her daughter-in-law, Alice, and new grandson. Jessica figured the women were there for the long haul, since this would be Alice’s first social appearance since giving birth.

  “You know they won’t leave before they’ve seen the new baby,” she replied.

  A baby that might have been mine.

  The very idea gave her a bevy of mixed emotions. On one hand, Jessica wasn’t even sure that she wanted children. And on the other, she was still smarting from the fact that the scar-faced Alice Chesterfield had managed to steal away the only man Jessica had ever figured to marry—Robert Barnett. Of course, it hadn’t been all that much of a theft. Robert and Jessica weren’t in love, and it was only because of people’s assumptions that they were linked as a couple. Their so-called romance was something created in the minds of their sentimental mothers, who saw their children as good choices for each other. Still, it bothered Jessica that Robert had so quickly cast her aside.

  “Well, perhaps you can slip away,” Aunt Laura suggested.

  “If the moment presents itself, I will. Until then,” Jessica conceded with a heavy sigh, “I must simply endure.”

  “Jessica, have you settled on any particular young man now that Robert has a wife and child?” Mrs. Pritchard asked from her other side. The woman was a notorious gossip and loved to get the inside scoop on everyone’s life. Her husband owned one of the stores in Cedar Springs, and it gave her the perfect conduit for sharing information.

  Jess looked to the gray-haired woman with a smile. “Goodness, no. I’m enjoying being able to come and go as I please. I’m not saddled down in any way, and if I want to travel or leave for an extended visit elsewhere, I have only to pack my bags.”

  “But you must be lonely at times,” her friend Beth offered. Beth was Mrs. Pritchard’s youngest daughter and Jessica’s longtime chum from school. Beth had married at eighteen and already had two children, who were now being cared for with some of the other children in another part of the house. Earlier, she and two other young wives announced they were were having another baby.

  Jessica knew that Beth was truly concerned for her well-being, but with all gazes now fixed upon her, Jessica felt completely out of sorts. “Of course I’m not lonely. Goodness, I have people around me all the time and plenty of suitors.” She gave a light laugh, as if the entire world knelt at her feet. “I’m perfectly content.”

  But she could see in the eyes of the other women that they didn’t believe her.

  Another of her former schoolmates, Constance Watson, piped up. “I don’t believe any woman can be completely content until she is wed. I know I wasn’t.” Several of the women nodded as she continued. “Life completely changes once you marry, and as Mother often says, it will change again when children come along—an event I hope soon to know.” She smiled sweetly at Jessica. “I hope that you, too, will know those pleasures for yourself—both marriage and motherhood.”

  Jessica heard a hint of sarcasm in the woman’s tone but smiled in return nevertheless. “Well, bless your heart for sayin’ so.”

  Constance sat back in her chair and nodded soberly. “I will pray for you.”

  “Yes, we must all pray that God will send Jessica a husband,” Mrs. Smith said, smiling at her daughter. “Constance is always so willing to pray for others.”

  Jessica wanted to flee the room but knew she couldn’t without causing a scene. Instead, she folded her hands and thanked the ladies for their concern and prayers.

&
nbsp; “I thought Hannah would be here by now,” Aunt Laura commented to the group.

  Jessica’s mother nodded. “Should be anytime now. I can hardly wait to see the new baby.”

  “What was it they named him?” one of the older ranch wives asked.

  “William Robert Barnett,” Jessica’s mother replied. “After his grandfather and father. Hannah tells me they intend to call him Wills, but her husband has nicknamed the baby Billy Bob.”

  The women smiled or chuckled and continued to ask questions about the baby and the mother’s health. Jessica never thought she’d be glad for the topic to settle on Alice and her child, but at least it took the focus off of her own inadequacies.

  Inadequacies. It seemed like such a harsh word, but Jessica could think of no other. These days she was her harshest critic. Others were always commenting on her charm, beauty, and accomplishments. She had finished out at one of the best schools for young ladies that Texas could boast, and she’d done well academically in her earlier school years. Some even commented on her being quite intelligent and in possession of a good wit. Surely a woman with such attributes could not be called lacking. In addition to these qualities, Jessica knew her waist was the smallest in the county, and her face had been compared to those of various Greek goddesses. She had always known of her appealing looks. Her mother, also a woman of great beauty, had warned that she could easily use her appearance to manipulate others. She urged Jessica to draw closer to God and forget about her loveliness.

  “God doesn’t consider a person’s outward appearance, and neither should we,” her mother had chided.

  Jessica always thought that strange. Why would God have made some things beautiful and others ugly if He hadn’t expected folks to notice?

  “Oh, that must be them!” her mother announced at the sound of an approaching carriage. Having every window open to allow for the least hint of breeze on this stifling hot day caused the sound to echo throughout the house.

  The gathering seemed to rise and move slowly en masse to greet the new arrivals. Happy to see them all exit the house, Jessica sprang to her feet. This made the perfect opportunity for her to slip away unseen. She hoped for at least a few quiet moments to herself and made her way out the back door, past the barn, and toward the horse pen, where her own mare, Peg, stood loyally waiting. The humidity and heat of the day made her feel even more miserable.

  “Are you as unhappy as I am, Peg?” Jessica asked, reaching out to stroke the velvety muzzle of the dapple gray. The horse had been a gift from her father and mother six years earlier, along with a very smart sidesaddle. Jessica had been delighted at the time and remained so. She and Peg were the best of friends. “At least you have plenty of shade and water.”

  The mare lowered her head to search Jessica’s hand. “I’m sorry, girl. I didn’t think to bring you a treat.” Jessica reached up and stroked the black mane. She was a true beauty, standing sixteen hands high. Her dappled body bore an intriguing pattern set against the black mane and tail. Peg was the perfect mount for Jessica. Both horse and owner were beautiful and unusual.

  For a moment Jessica allowed the mare to nuzzle her, then stepped back. “Maybe we’ll go for a ride later, when it cools down a bit.”

  “I could escort you” came a familiar voice.

  Jessica turned to find Lee Skelly. Lee was shorter than most of the men, but quite muscular. He acted as her father’s foreman and right-hand man when her brothers Howard and Isaac were otherwise occupied, as they were now.

  “Have you had word from your brothers about when they’re headin’ home?” he asked, leaning back against the fence of the pen.

  “Mother said they would be home by Christmas.”

  “They still buildin’ new houses for colored people in Corpus Christi?”

  Jessica nodded and pulled a handkerchief from her sleeve. Her mother’s friends had written to encourage the mission. Howard and Isaac, true humanitarians that they were, eagerly gave up ranch work in favor of construction. Both had a mind for politics, and this was exactly the kind of thing that would speak of their giving characters.

  “They are enjoying the change of pace, I think.” She dabbed at the perspiration forming on her face and turned to leave.

  “So what about that ride?” Lee asked, coming alongside her.

  Jessica continued walking. “I don’t think my father would approve. It isn’t becoming for me to be out with a man my own age without a chaperone.”

  “I’m completely honorable,” he protested. “We can even take old Osage with us.”

  Jessica thought of the older man who was once her father and grandfather’s ranch foreman. Osage was nearing eighty now, but he hadn’t slowed down much, despite her father’s insistence that he retire. Having no part in lounging around, Osage kept an eye on things around the house and took time to oversee some of the younger cowboys in training.

  “I won’t make that kind of demand on Osage. He has enough to keep him busy.”

  “Ah, Jess, you could talk him into it. If not Osage, then maybe your pa would make an exception and let me escort you.”

  Jessica threw him a glance and shook her head. “He’s not likely to agree.”

  “Why not? I’m a good fella, Jess. I think we could have a right good future together.”

  At this she stopped. “Are you proposing to me?”

  He gave a sheepish grin. “Well, why not? I’m a fella of my word, and you’re a beautiful woman. We could have a great life together.”

  “You don’t even know what I want out of life.”

  “I figure you want the same things every girl wants: security, family, a home.” He took on an air of confidence and asked, “Ain’t that right?”

  Jessica shrugged. “I couldn’t say. I don’t know what I want.”

  He laughed. “Jess, you don’t need to want for anything if you agree to be my gal.”

  Turning, she looked hard at the man. “It would hardly be appropriate for me to be your gal. You’re my father’s foreman.” The minute the words came out of her mouth, Jessica thought they sounded terrible. Lee frowned, and Jessica knew he’d taken offense. She hurried to cover her tracks.

  “In your position here, the other men might think Father was giving you an unfair advantage if he allowed you to court me.” There. That doesn’t sound quite so arrogant. But from the continued scowl on Lee’s face, Jessica wasn’t sure he’d even heard her.

  “You don’t think I’m good enough for you?”

  Jessica felt her cheeks warm at the question. “I have no thought of it either way,” she lied. “I know it would not meet with my father’s approval, and therefore have not contemplated the idea. I do know, however, that a simple thing like that could cause all sorts of problems among a group of

  men.”

  She shrugged. “Besides, Lee, I have no desire to marry anyone. I rather like having my freedom. I can come and go as I please. And I very well may do just that. I have cousins who live in Chicago. I got to know them when I spent time up there with my grandparents. They’ve been begging me to visit.”

  Lee shook his head. “You don’t think I’m serious, do you?”

  She put her hands on her hips. “And just what is that supposed to mean?”

  It was Lee’s turn to shrug. “Just that you don’t think of me as a man, as a possible beau. You’re the boss’s daughter and deserve much better than the hired hand. And why not? Your pa owns this place. It’s like he’s king over this ranch, and that makes you his little princess. Can’t have the princess marryin’ the pauper.”

  Jessica hated his analogy. God had already been pricking her conscience about the way she acted and the times she’d made other people feel ill at ease. For a moment she felt completely defenseless.

  “I’m . . . I don’t know what to say.” Jessica shook her head and fixed her gaze on his face. “I really wasn’t thinking any of that, Lee. You’re a fine man. My father thinks highly of you, and I don’t have any reason to believ
e you wouldn’t be a proper suitor.”

  “Then why won’t you step out with me?”

  She knew the reason but worried he would take it wrong. “I don’t see a future in it.” She held up her hand. “Before you go off thinking I’m being uppity or believe myself too good for you, let me tell you the exact opposite is true.”

  He frowned. “Whadd’ya mean?”

  “It has nothing to do with whether you are good enough for me. It has to do with me.” She shook her head. “This isn’t coming out right. I don’t mean it’s all about me and what I want out of life . . . or need. It’s about me . . . being . . . a mess.”

  He laughed. “Oh, Jess, you ain’t no mess. You’re the purtiest gal in these parts. Now, if you wanna see a mess, you ought to see my little sister. Grief, but that gal can’t hardly turn around without breakin’ something or causin’ disaster. Ma says she puts her foot in her mouth more often than she puts on her shoes.”

  Jessica wanted to shout that he had no idea what she was saying, but she held her tongue. Maybe part of maturity was recognizing when to fight your battles.

  Lee sobered, as if realizing he’d acted inappropriately. “Sorry, Jess. I didn’t mean no disrespect.”

  “I know,” she said, and the sadness in her voice hung in the air. She turned and made her way to the house, hoping Lee wouldn’t follow her and press for more. He didn’t, and Jessica let out the breath she’d been holding.

  Poor Lee. He truly was a nice young man, but Jess had never seen him as anything more than one of the workers. Not because he was of a lower station, but because she simply only saw him in that capacity. She’d not dealt with him much at social events, and he wasn’t really one to attend church.

  “There you are,” Beth said, thrusting a bundle at Jessica as soon as she entered the kitchen. “We’re all taking turns holding little Wills. It’s your turn.”

  Jessica looked down at the dark blue eyes of Robert’s son. Something akin to deep regret washed over her.

  He might have been mine. If I had been a different woman—with a different heart—I might be the one sharing my son with family and friends.

  “He’s beautiful,” she whispered, almost afraid to say anything more.